reflections of a (man)


















taken best with a pinch of mirth








































go home.

send me an email.

Friends

azad.

pauli.






04.10.2003 9:47:04 PM CST - you can scream, you can shout.

i was recently rear-ended for the second time in like a year and a half. this time around, the car that hit me was driven by a car thief, mid-heist. because the car was stolen, Progressive Insurance won't pay for the damages to my car. my State Farm Insurance would cover this situation, but i guess this why people stand to save over $300 a year with Progressive Insurance. I think it sucks. life sucks.

ok so life isn't so bad. the whole damage to my car thing is still up in there air, and i figure it doesn't look too bad so i'm not going to worry about it at this point. i still think i shouldn't have to pay for it all.

tonight was the first night of softball practice for the state farm league (yeah, a corporate softball team. the things i do for fresh air and exercise...). i think it's gonna be a lot of fun, actually. we went to the pub afterwards and got a few drinks for a couple hours. it's always good to meet some new folks. so long as they're not car thieves. which, even if they were, would not cause me to have a problem with them necessarily (unless they hit my car in the process of a theft, or like stole my car). ok, enough of that. enough. softball will help me get away from staring at the tv/computer/walls.

one good thing to come out of all this recent auto damage is, it's frustated me to the point of wanting to paint again. which is really something i'd like to pursue right now. i've done a few paintings and i've been happy with them. i wanted some decoration around my place, so i decided instead of buying abstract art, and framing it, i'd just paint it myself. it's cheaper. and it looks cool having a painting hanging in your place. i think my stuff's turned out pretty good so far. you can see a couple on my art page on letdownweb - it's the last two paintings on the bottom of the page.

or you can just go about your merry way.

this conversation is now over.

i hope everyone is doing well.

-mike.

03.16.2003 10:25:20 PM CST - 15 is the 19,000th.

i had this dream the other night where i was in a factory. it looked like a map in Unreal Tournament. it was populated by a bunch of M&M's, like the ones that walk around and talk in the commercials. they didn't say anything.

when i got to a big room, like a shipping area, i went up to a reception desk, but instead of a person there was an LCD screen. it said "15 is the 19,000th." i realized that this was an important piece of information. i walked further into the room, and a newspaper on a crate had the headline "15 is the 19,000th" on it. this confirmed how important this was. it was the key to finding the secret of the factory. then a bunch of M&M's ran past me fast, and it started really spooking me badly. some were hanging from the walls looking at me wherever i went. a few ran into a corner and started talking. i knew they were plotting against me. then i woke up. i found the whole thing very unsettling.

11.03.2002 1:29:35 PM CST - there are some things you can't compromise.

today is my first match of the winter pool league this year. i haven't played in awhile, but i'm sure i'll do okay. my current average is a 6/10, which is only a little better than winning half the time. the more i play, the better i get. isn't that how it always works? completed another painting, based on a sketch i made that's available on the art page.

there's a cold breeze blowing through my mind today. i can't find a blanket to comfort myself. there is only the small fire i started in my heart. i'd better huddle in the corner until better times arrive.

10.12.2002 7:58:06 PM CST - come on and kick me.

do you ever have the feeling that you've just stepped into someone else's life, but you can't find the silverware drawer? me either. i finally watched "high fidelity" so all you people who tell me i should see that movie - i've seen it. i called my sister and wished her a happy anniversary, as her first wedding anniversary was on 10/6 - i'm a bad brother. bad bad bad. ladies and gentlemen, i've entered the manic cycle of my up and down life and the creativity flows through me as a coursing rapid tempts the most daring adventurer. fruitful and frustrating attempts at artistry beckon me at every turn. i think i'm going to go paint. i finally bought a canvas. my back hurts. i hope you are doing well.

10.11.2002 12:18:19 AM CST - canvas.

A sigh of relief tonight and a yearning for the future. how unlike me. gracious thanks to azad for the mention on her page. i'm quite tired, and tomorrow is friday. a restful weekend is a wonderful thing. I searched for painting supplies and artwork for the apartment. It looks like it won't be such a pricey venture after all. Thank you for your patience in my absence. It will all be better soon, the sun is shining and the road is wide open. good night.

7.27.2002 12:43:30 PM CST - painting like a mad fool.

i put some new artwork i've been doing on the art page. last night i listened to dave matthews' live concert through their new album "busted stuff." there was some webpage where you could logon and listen to the concert. it sounded great. the only problem i have with the new DMB cd is that you can't play it on a computer, you only start up the enhanced cd portion, which has no "play" option to just play the music. so you can only hear it in a conventional cd player. how disappointing. i hope everyone is doing well. i've hurt my left knee badly and now must spend the entire weekend sitting and doing nothing. poor me. yeah, right.

4.12.2002 9:52:38 PM CST - cubs lose.

i went up to see the cubs play the pirates. they lost 5-1. i guess the pirates have been doing well. i really go up there for the company and the food/beer. Wrigley Field's such a great place to visit in Chicago. kind of chilly but oh well. I set up my homepage with something called SpeakIt! where you can make it speak web pages for you. it's pretty fun. have a go if you want to try it. the link is in the upper right hand corner of the homepage.

3.22.2002 10:16:11 PM CST - yeah so it's been awhile.

i hope everyone is well much has happened but why think about the past such good reading lately i enjoy it however there are so many things to do does that ever stop? how are you great and soon out the door onto the next store and then home again to sleep and back up much to do. as you see, i don't care to discuss the matters at hand but rather stuff them down into a small box in myself and keep them for when i need them most in the line at the post office.

8.23.2001 7:04:54 PM CST - fears realized

i fell into my own trap. didn't write anything for too long. haven't even updated the news in a long time either. things will be coming back alive around here soon. sorry for the delay. saw the Chicago and Toronto shows 8/01 and 8/03. amazing. i'll update the news regularly soon. i promise.

7.19.2001 05:24:40 PM CST - cold. cold. cold.

cold
wet
solid
how are you? i've made some progress in the waste game but not sure how far i've gotten yet. who knows if what i'm doing has any bearing on the game itself. friend is coming over soon to play guitar and talk. work is coming along more slowly than i imagined, i am out of practice in programming assembler and as a result i am not getting project done as anticipated. things will be resolved soon however so i'm not worried. resolution is what i am seeking right now in many aspects. humidity increasing. i do believe it's time for me to leave.

7.13.2001 06:11:21 PM CST - small triangular people.

I haD A dream about small people with geometric heads and index cards a few days ago. Aaron has helped with preparations and concepts. well Thom was on the message board today at 5:34 pm. no real news as of yet but sore neck for some reason. must have slept oddly.

7.10.2001 04:05:40 PM CST - w.a.s.t.e.d.

the 2nd waste game is in progress, and it's got me thinking. had a checkup at the doctor's everything is cool sleeping well. new web page has brought some traffic. my friend's grandpa's house was damaged in a tornado the other day. steel beam through the kitchen. garage off foundation. luckily grandpa wasn't home. reminds me the stuff you see on TV is real and people are enduring that. nothing of too much value lost just his dwelling. i simply must get outside more often.

7.07.2001 05:09:45 PM CST - preparatory

embroiled in yet another waste game. this one seems to be a little more relaxed though. makes me think they want us to chill out between attempts, which is probably a good thing. added a page on let down for the 2nd w.a.s.t.e. game if you want to play along. i really must be returning this movie however (Castaway) which I enjoyed but really made me think about what things would be like if something like that happened to me and how quickly life can change. also a little more frightened of flying. not really. see you around.

7.05.2001 06:09:44 PM CST - easier
(and more efficient)


big news is that [let down] can now be accessed through it's new address - www.letdownweb.com instead of typing in all that tripod stuff. somehow http://stonecutter2.tripod.com/radiohead/ isn't as catchy as www.letdownweb.com maybe it's just me. i registered the domain thru directNIC.com for just $15 a year. what a deal. tonight - to relax and have some good dinner maybe watch a movie. later.

7.02.2001 08:02:59 PM CST - gosh, gosh

moving successful to my girlfriend's new apartment - however i twisted my ankle. i've stepped off of that curb countless times, but the day that i need to utilize my strength my body fails and falters so feebly. reminder of how frail and fragile i am, humble, you don't think about walking until you can't so much anymore. ankle is feeling better today but still weak. Posted new contributions today (figured out how to save embedded pics from MSN explorer - hassle) and you can see the art here. further contributions are greatly appreciated. thanks to umbriel for the great writing. tonight will involve more writing on my part to update dead ends on site here and there.

shower gift purchased for my sister. now i can rest a little easier. parents anniversary gift next, 30 years wow congratulations to them. take care.

7.01.2001 12:40:47 PM CST - raindrop hum and fuzz

last evening at my girlfriend's old apartment. today is moving day but raining outside. heavy downpour so it will probably pass quickly. more humidity then which i don't look forward to, especially when heavy lifting is involved. received some contributions for Radiohead fan artwork which makes me smile. i hope to create a sizable collection for all to view. tracker on home page isn't functioning properly but oh well hopefully support will figure it out. still only shows first day i put it on my site. but, it says current report is today so perhaps data is somewhere.

have to go buy a wedding shower gift for my sister - i really should have done it earlier and i despise my procrastination but it's time to remedy the situation.

6.30.2001 7:59:02 PM CST - why to bother?

responded to a post on ateaseweb.com regarding how a true Radiohead fan behaves at a concert. intriguing. perhaps my post will show up. also tacked on my site URL for shameless self-promotion via ateaseweb.com, hope no one minds and it shows up on the post. i could use some traffic, getting down on no one visiting but i make this site for myself and no one else. well, maybe Radiohead. fabulous band. signed over the apartment i was to move into tomorrow to a subleaser, a good friend. he's moving in with my girlfriend. perhaps next year we'll be ready to live together. i hope.

here are some thoughts of mine in no particular order:

frozen but no mittens. the nails brittle snap as twigs.

even on the smallest day i can hear you breathe

thankful but cautious. penitent offerings no more.

soft crushing blow evades even the police

tanks treads on my back. thirsty and lost.

a smooth ride and comfortable seats. recline.

aftershave mouthwash regret. slow stinging bitterness...

NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. STOP SEEKING MEANING.


funny, looks kind of like a (?thunderhead?) storm cloud. foreshadow?ok, back to site enhancements. later. -mike -

6.29.2001 (II) - addendum

the morning began with birds recklessly singing outside the window! welcome, but irritating. as you will soon discover i tend toward a pessimistic perspective on things. when i really think about it, it was a good thing they were sort of obnoxious as the alarm wasn't set properly by girlfriend, so they roused me with enough time to come to terms with beginning a new day. work morning started slowly with no events unfolding.

i find some surrounding inhabitants in my workspace trying indeed. a persistent chatter swims around me while i try to not work. little chance of relaxation i'm afraid. to the task at hand, i create a small assemblage of papers which i refer to constantly and open the appropriate programs on workstation until i feel in control. i program mainframe assembler language. previously with some ease however lately i proceed cautiously. it has been awhile since i've coded and the procedure takes some time. also learning new utilities to take advantage of and places to pillage from so that my task is a little less stressful.

though i arouse the knowledge of code deep within me, i found myself yearning to work on website you are currently seeing and drawing with abandon. i fight it at every corner but give in to guilty pleasures of web access occasionally. it's there so why not. total replies to emails: 7, at least from those i'd really be interested in speaking to. upon completing my obligation to corporation the fire ball of life greets me at the door. humid and thick air i breathe but feels like freedom (strange). upon arriving home i find myself where i am now making revisions to my website. who will read this i don't know. there are some new "artistic?" scraps in the proper place on my website (here) if you want to look. all comments are welcome.

6.29.2001 - the beginning

by popular demand, (well, actually by no demand at all but a curious inkling on my part) i begin a (somewhat) daily record of matters of consequence or of no importance at all.

inspired by none other than molly herself i decided to jot a few things down here and there. also an urging from
Thad and Megan drew me to begin this experiment in self-torture, as I'm sure this will develop into given enough time. i see so many websites on which the authors make numerous comments that they don't know what to say today, or that they've given up entirely on the idea of continuing, as it was too much "burden" keeping up with the entries. i'll try to stave off such emotions and simply communicate what i can when i can. thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy for some reason or another.